Perhaps Olivia Munn Might Need the Top Bar Pad

Update: I’m alive after the Cinco de Mayo celebration Penny and I took part in. By celebration I mean some chicken fajitas and quesadillas with cerveza to wash it all down. I was debating whether to go with Corona or the “designer” beer Salitos. In the end I chose the Corona and left the Salitos to those fixie-tricksters BikeSnobNYC politely refers to as “Nü-Freds”. Crazy thing though, it seems that PBR in the can is the libation of choice in the fixed-gear circles.

Speaking of PBR in the can, as it were, in a night of beer consumption, to include a couple of the Blue Ribbon in the can, I was engaged in a conversation with a seemingly nice young man from Kentucky. Using keen intellect and his apparent girlfriend’s interest in my home state of Connecticut, I managed to convince him to agree with me that Kentucky and surrounding states should be referred to as the Mideast, much the same way as Kansas and surrounding states are referred to as the Midwest. Whether due to his girlfriend’s excitement at meeting a “Nutmeger” or his lack of personal skills, shortly after our conversation, the two seemed to have an argument that resulted in her leaving alone and my buddy claiming that I had caused the breakup of what might have been the world’s greatest relationship. That is neither here nor there, though it was, in fact, in Cincinnati.

Back to the fixie-tricksters we were discussing earlier, it appears as though the venerable bike messenger has gone the way of the dinosaur and has been replaced with the caveman that is fixed freestyle, or as it is known to those in the know – “700cmx”. It seems to me that their only “tricks” are wheelies, bar-spins, and riding backwards. Though I don’t have the coordination to perform any of said tricks, I’m not too impressed.

Many people can perform a wheelie on a road bike, and in the end fixed freestyle is nothing more than the Thanksgiving-child’s-table cousin of BMX flatlanding.

Away from bikes we go and on to other important topics. It appears that for the last year I have been leaving work early to watch Attack of the Show to catch peeks of Olivia Munn for no reason. According to christwire.org, Olivia actually has a penis. As ridiculous as that story is, it is merely the tip of the absurdity. Like my previous Jersey-raised coworker who got offended when we made fun of the “fist-pump” Jersey Shore dance because, as he put it, “That’s just dancing!”, I’m not sure if the contributors are incredibly idiotic or cleverer than I can fathom. I’ll let you decide for yourselves.